Dear internet,
For some time now I've enjoyed surfing around your websites for funny/interesting/disgusting videos and pictures to help pass the time. You and your many posters who provide the content have given me hours of time wasting enjoyment that I will never, ever get back...and that's just fine.
A few things have come into vogue as of late that I feel have either had their day, or never should have had one. Please put a stop to the following things:
1.
Videos that show something funny; and then show it again; and then again; and then in slow motion; and then slow motion again; and again; and then in SUPER slow motion; and again; and again; and again; ad nauseum. Seriously people. I saw it. I didn't need to see it again and again, and playing in slow motion RARELY makes it any funnier, and super slow mo NEVER makes it any funnier. Cut it out.
2.
Ridiculous and unnecessary opening/ending credits for videos. The other day I was watching some video...I don't remember what it was...in fact, I would not have even sat through the opening credits that were SO long if it wasn't for the fact that I was marveling and how much STUPID SHIT this person was putting up on the screen for no reason at all. The video total length was like, 2 minutes...the actual clip was probably only about 15 seconds of that (not counting the slow mo and super slow mo replays).
So you wanted to give it a title? "Okay. "
And the date? "Hmm...alright, I guess."
And now you wanna tell me what to watch for in this 15 seconds video, in case I blink and MISS IT? "Uh...well...actually." *
video plays, slow mo takes, etc...* Funny ending quote? "Actually, thank you but..."
Video production credits? "I think I'm done watching your stup..."
Production company name? "ALRIGHT! THAT'S ENOUGH!!!" YOU'RE NOT FREAKIN "RAPID MONKEY SCREWING A TREE PRODUCTIONS!" You're some kid, with no life, sitting in your room at your mom's house/dorm room. Wow...you mastered iMovie or Windows Movie Maker or whatever crappy video editing BS that came with your 30 dollar Logitech Webcam. Congratulations. Just give me my 15 seconds of funny and shove off.
3.
Soljah Boy videos. I honestly have no idea where this came from. It was never funny. It never will be. The fact that the Dramamtic Chipmunk got like, 5 videos total and this steaming pile of not-funny get like 5 a freakin' day makes me actually...well...it actually makes me make the Dramatic Chipmunk face. What's REALLY funny is that there are people who actually listen to music like that. (see section entitled "People who should be shot.")
4.
People playing the Super Mario Brothers music on guitar, piano, synthesizer, drums, congas, pots and pans, their bare asses, other people's bare asses, their dog, their neighbor's dog, etc... "Oh gee! The Super Mario Brothers Music!!! I remember that! Wow, you can play it like its an actual song! WOWWWWWOWOWOW!!!" C'mon people, it's not complicated. In fact, about 99.9% of all people playing video game music videos I can do without...unless its particularly impressive/beautiful. (
like this orchestral Zelda motif )
5.
In fact, the following themes/music I can do without any more versions of ever again in my life: Mortal Kombat, Star Wars, Trogdor, The Simpsons, and The Internet is For Porn.
6.
WoW characters dancing, doing movie scenes, making music videos, playing WoW, etc... Not funny. Just not. Seriously, do you WoW geeks even think this is funny anymore? Jeezus... (and you may as well consider this one applying to you too, Sims characters)
7.
Things about emo and "emos". Who ever though it would become MORE annoying and MORE played out that emo itself? And yet, it has. Time to leave them alone, just because giving them a hard time has become MORE predictable and annoying.
8.
ANYTHING related to the movie 300. Nuff said.
Those things considered, there is a few things we need MORE of in the net...
1.
People sitting in front of their webcams getting hit because they are acting stupid, or even getting hit for no reason at all. I submit exhibits
A,
2, and
D. I rest my case. (I'd like add that ironically, the third video has a slow motion replay, which along with being unneccesary, leaves out the funniest part of the video, which is what he says at the end.)
2.
Japanese game shows. Seriously, do those people EVER run out of awesome ideas!?
3.
People eating shit they really shouldn't eat. Like the chicks eating a tablespoon of cinnamon, or the kid who eats a whole stick of butter. Extra super bonus points if it causes extreme pain/nausea/sickness/freak-out.
4.
Small children cussing. Seriously, I bet that little girl COULD kick that monster's ass.
5.
Non-football-players getting slammed by football players. I think this may be the only thing I like about football.
6.
Bring back the Dramatic Chipmunk. I wasn't over him yet.
I appreciate the internet and everyone on it taking these things under consideration.
-U
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tired
amused
thoughtful
accomplished
determined
frustrated
calm